Below are sample responses to Personal Statements that, in my opinion, produced a focused and attentive response to the prompt. These sample statements leave a clear impression of the student, and though they aren’t by any means, “perfect” — there is only the perfect personal statement that captures your story — they are posted here to help you “read” a piece of writing that hits the target when it comes to writing this thing we’ve called, the autobiographical personal statement.
May the true story of your world, aspirations, qualities, accomplishments and contributions shine brightly through your writing!
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Sample A: Prompt 1
The world in which I live in is Morse High School. This has been my world for the past four years. I’ve had many experiences here and met numerous people who have changed me into the person I am today. Attending Morse has changed my perspective on my life and my future. It has helped me set goals like applying to college and later becoming a dental hygienist.
Morse High is known to people as a “ghetto” school filled with “ghetto” students. It is located in Skyline, a poor community in San Diego that is known for its gangs and violence. This creates stereotypes about us who live in this world. We are expected to never amount to anything and fail in life. We are expected to get into fights, ditch every day, get F’s, and not care about our education. People think we will drop out before graduating and never go to college, especially a university. This discourse about my world and the students within it, has motivated me to get out of this community and move forward in life. It has inspired me to disprove the statistics and everyone who has doubted me wrong. Morse is filled with low income minority students, including myself.
However, living in a poor community and having parents who work all the time is what pushes me to want to get educated. It makes me realize that I can do what my parents didn’t do to have a better life and not struggle financially. Also, since Morse is located in a poorer neighborhood than other schools in San Diego I have had fewer opportunities than other students. Sometimes it seems like teachers really don’t care about our learning and very little is expected of us. So I’ve had to learn things on my own with little support from the staff. At Morse the focus is primarily on graduating from high school and if possible maybe attending a community college. Little motivation and information are given about going to universities and becoming a professional. It’s difficult to maintain grades and focus on college while I still have to deal with the hardships of my home life without help from anyone. It is also a challenge everyday to stay above the influence and to not get involved with the wrong people who are only concerned with drugs and alcohol.
All these factors are discouraging but they drive me graduate and get out of high school. They make me want to do well and excel so I can go to a university and get out of this negative environment. Living in this world has made me change my goals from my ninth grade year. I used to want to go to community college and take a few classes to become a dental assistant. Yet after four years of seeing how little people care and support me I have realized that I’m on my own and I have to make my own life better. Living in this world has showed me how much I want to get out and live my life. I don’t want to live in the “ghetto” and go to “ghetto” schools with little resources. I don’t want to settle for what is easier anymore, I want to be challenged and learn how to think for myself rather than being stuck where I am now. My world at Morse High School has changed what I want to do with my life and made me want to succeed.
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Sample A: Prompt 2
The talent I am most proud of is my artistic ability and I believe it has shaped me into the person I am today. Since I was young I have always aspired to be just like my father. He is very important to me and even to this day my goal overall is to make him proud of me. When I was little I would always watch my father draw pictures of cartoons for me and my sister. I wanted to be an artist just like him to make him proud. So I began drawing, but I didn’t do well at first. My dad helped me with my art and showed me how I could improve. He showed me techniques like shading to make my pictures look realistic. He helped me every day and with practice my skills improved. This taught me that with time and effort I could accomplish anything.
Later on I took an art class and I realized there were different types of art. This led me to try painting. It was a difficult transition from drawing with a pencil to using a paint brush. I had to be more precise because I could no longer use an eraser to fix my mistakes. Painting made me able to focus in order to prevent these mistakes. It has also taught me to be very patient and to work hard. It makes me happy to show my family finished drawings and paintings after I spent a long time making them perfect. Creating a picture can take days and it can be frustrating when it doesn’t come out the way you expected. This has taught me that sometimes you have to do things multiple times before it comes out the way you want it. Art has taught me to be dedicated and passionate towards everything I do. Not only has art taught me skills it also allows me to express myself to people. I am a very shy and quiet person and it is hard for me to express myself to people sometimes. It’s hard for me to get someone to listen or pay attention to me through words. But through painting I can say whatever I want and show what I’m feeling. It allows me to show my emotions and explain what I’m going through.
Being able to make a picture with a pencil and different colors makes me feel accomplished. I love seeing pictures in my head and being able to put it on paper. My talent has made me the hard working, determined person I am today. It helps me to see the world from a different perspective than others and to come up with ideas most people wouldn’t consider. It has taught me skills needed to be a better person like patience and determination. My ability to paint and draw makes me proud and it makes me feel unique. It has inspired me to be creative and different from others rather than being a conformist. Being able to make my family proud through my art is my most important accomplishment.
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Sample B: Prompt 1
My mother clears a section of the wall crowded with frames, each frame presenting memorable awards/certificates of my brother and I over the years since Kindergarten. She goes towards my section of the wall and begins to wipe away the dust collected above the frame. She lifts the frame off the nail that is inserted into the wall. The frame leaves a white square, outlining where it once was. I take a glance across the hall outside my room and notice my mother wiping down the front of the frame. As I sat in my room and wondered why she had a glossy look in her eyes, I realized that she was reminiscing about my accomplishments and how I have grown from them. I looked from afar, and was aware that I could not have achieved those accomplishments without my family. My family has always been my backbone, and they are the reason why I am who I am today.
All my life, my parents told me to do well in school and to get good grades. Growing up, I always wondered why they engraved these thoughts and values into my head. Little did I know that their personal experiences motivate them to encourage my brother and I in school. My father never went to college and was only able to finish high school. Money was always an issue back then, especially since he was the youngest of 7 kids. As far back as I could remember, my father has always had two jobs. Working part time as a cook in the day, and working at the hospital during night shifts. My father’s hardworking attributes has made me realized that you have to work hard for what you want in life. Moreover, my mother was fortunate enough to graduate from college in the Philippines, but never fully accomplished her goal in life. She is a certified nursing assistant, but did not fulfill her dreams in becoming a registered nurse. Due to her long hours of work at the hospital and having an overall busy schedule, she never had the opportunity to completely reach her goal. After seeing my mom work hard and not accomplish her goal, I am driven to exceed the limitations that stop me from fulfilling my aspirations. Having both my parents work day in and day out, and watching them struggle to financially support their family forces me to further my education and motivates me to accomplish my goals in life. My mother has constantly told me to do whatever I aspire to do, whatever that may be. As long as I fulfill my ambitions and become happy with my career, that’s all that matters. I want to go to college to not only make my parents proud, but to make something out of myself and to ultimately achieve my goals with the capabilities that I have. Who knows, maybe in the future, my college degree will be placed in my families ‘Wall of Frames’ as well.
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Sample B: Prompt 2
A personal talent that I possess would have to be playing tennis. I have been playing tennis for 3 years, ever since the beginning of my sophomore year. I was on Junior Varsity my sophomore year, Varsity my junior year and Co-Captain by senior year. Playing in a sport has taught me that hard work and effort will eventually pay off in the long run. I am generally a driven and dedicated person who has a tendency of setting her standards fairly high. I am my own worst critic and I will not allow myself to settle for basic. With that said, I was willing to take the time to attend summer tennis camps and daily practices to improve my hits. Ultimately, this helped me make the Varsity team, earn a spot as #1 doubles, and eventually became co-captain. I was not expecting to be named co-captain, it showed that all my effort amounted into something great in the end. The determination I have is a personal quality that will make an impact on me during college because it shows that I am willing to work diligently in order to eventually become successful in achieving my goals regardless of how long it may take.
Working together with my doubles partner has also taught me a great deal. When adjusting to a partner, it required changing the way I played and cooperating with her to form as a unity. My communication skills have improved while I was partnered with someone. By communicating with one another, it enables us to form strategies to make plays on the court. Cooperating with my doubles partner has prepared me to adapt to new circumstances. This could help me in the future with the new college environment and new professors. Cooperation has also helped my communication skills by allowing me to learn by listening and associating with others. This factor is a stepping stone to meeting different people, all of which will advance my mind academically and socially.
I believe that the most important lesson that the game of tennis has taught me is the fact that everything is worth taking risks for. Every time a ball is still in play, it is up to me to decide whether or not to hit it. Each time I hit the ball, I am taking a risk because the ball has a possibility of being in or out. Without taking risks, I will never know what the outcome would be. I took a chance by trying out for the tennis team. I continue to take risks through my college applications, in hopes that I receive an acceptance letter. I am taking a risk in advancing my education and hope that I will gain something more than knowledge out of it. I am taking a chance in pursuing a career that could lead to success. The ability of exposing myself to possibilities will allow me to prove to myself of my own skills and potential.
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Sample C: Prompt 1
Growing up in two ethnically diverse Navy bases in Japan made me believe that society was not as harsh as it seemed in the outside world. I was confined in Atsugi and Yokosuka for the majority of my childhood life, and leaving Japan left me broken. Leaving that island left me without a childhood I could return to. All of my friends from Japan lived all around the world and the time they had was limited. I was too young to realize what friendship really meant.
Japan is way different from where I currently live. Japan was unified by a single common factor; our parents were in the Navy. Everyone in Japan had no trouble with anyone and we all got along. However, where I currently live (Skyline Hills), it’s pretty dangerous to walk alone at night without the fear of being jumped, harassed, or mugged, unlike in Japan. In Japan, I was thoroughly convinced that the world outside was just like how it was on the inside of the Navy bases. I was convinced that the rest of the world was as good as it felt and I was disappointed to see the truth.
Moving back to San Diego was challenging. I needed to adjust to the changing climate and to society itself. Attending a new school was the most difficult out of everything. Stepping foot on my new middle school was like stepping onto a completely different planet. I had experienced ethnic diversity once, but over here, specific ethnic groups hung out with their own “kind.” The Asians hung out with the Asians, the African Americans with the African Americans, and the Mexicans with the Mexicans. With this new world came my Tabula Rasa, my clean slate. I had the chance to create a new persona and identity. I had the chance to create a new “me”, but I turned it all down.
Coming from a family of morals and ethics, I always knew right from wrong. I learned this at an early age and the community of Japan backed it all up. Keeping my morals and ethics, I adapted to this new part of the world and accepted the harsh realities of life. Adjusting to this new time and place was difficult, but doable.
This world that I live in shaped everything that I am today. I am not the same “me” that I was back in Japan. I am, instead, a better “me” than who I once was. I am someone with dreams that could not have been conceived unless witnessing the realities of the world I live in. I wish to give back to the world that granted me such a pleasant and peaceful childhood away from the harsh reality by pursuing my goals and benefiting society as a whole. I have concluded that I am nothing but a single piece of a giant puzzle and that my contribution would help complete my goal of transforming the world into a better place. A place where generations after my own can experience that same childhood that I had experienced, except not just in Japan, but throughout the whole world. I wish to give all that I am back to the world that gave me all of itself.
“me” - editor changed from original version
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Sample C: Prompt 2
Aside from the common skill among individuals that they are simply “good at everything,” which I am, too, a part of, I am more fond of two other abilities. I possess the ability of being a leader, and with this skill, I also hold the ability ofunderstanding people.
I benefited from Morse’s Army Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps (AJROTC) the most throughout my high school career and I can say that it is one ongoing experience that is important to me. I had doubts about staying in this class since I was accidentally placed in it, but as time went, I came to realize that I actually liked it. I enjoyed the class so much, I am now enrolled for my fourth and last year. In this program, I learned how to become a better citizen and most importantly, a leader.
My skill of being a leader presents the characteristics of who I am today. Without my leadership skills, I would not be an understanding person at all. I would have been a biased, unknowledgeable soul without it. One quality of being a leader has always been to present unbiased answers towards any conflict based purely on intuitions and possible consequences. I hold these into account every time a needy individual seeks aid from me. I believe that my natural leadership abilities granted me special trust by the Senior Army Instructor to hold the position of Battalion Commander for Morse’s AJROTC, the highest and most respected position that one cadet can achieve in the program. While in this position, I have successfully supervised and taken charge of many community and school related events. These events include the Veteran’s Day Parade, the Homecoming Halftime Show, and the annual JROTC Cadet Picnic, with many more to come. “Motivating young people to become better citizens,” is JROTC’s mission and I believe that they have succeeded in making me a better citizen. Eventually, my leadership skills branched off a totally new skill: understanding people.
My ability to understand people would not be present without the previous ability I have mentioned in the above paragraph. Like I have stated, I would have been a biased individual. My ability to understand other people gained myself a reputation and title of being a “good listener” and a “nice guy.” With these titles, I am now a resource for attention and a set of ears for a few of my peers that seek help and refuge from their conflicts and dilemmas.
These abilities make me proud because they tell me that I am more than capable of being a great interpersonal individual and someone that will take the initiative to do the right thing. They say that I am someone able to contribute great things to this world, someone that can make the world a better place.
